Peter and the Twins Eau Claire experience

Last night, we made our third sojourn into the rock and roll depths of Eau Clair, WI, to party with our good friends in Fall For Glory, Rob, Pat, Brian, and our nemesis, Brett Dahlberg, their drummer. Tall, lanky, and almost certainly pure evil, Dahlberg happens to be freakishly good at the drums. He also has a tendency to end up sauced beyond recognition at Peter and the Twins shows.

Dahlberg himself...

Fall For Glory volunteered to start the party at the Mousetrap, by playing first. Their punk-rock machine was well lubricated by free tap beers. Dahlberg coyly worked what we feel is his “Fuck you Peter and the Twins!” routine from behind the drums, playing at outrageous tempos and doing things with drumsticks that appeared to break the laws of physics in a gravity-rich environment. We attempted to slow down the Dahlberg Machine, but it was too late…he’d already made Andy look like a prissy school-girl.

Fall For Glory finished up their set and Dahlberg left the premises with two beautiful girls. If Peter and the Twins were to recapture their dignity, they desperately needed help from the Gods of Rock and Roll. They placed their hope in the next band to hit the stage, the lone metal group on the bill.

A long lost rock and roll prophesy states that if a band shreds unbelievably hard, they can actually extract memories from audience members during their set. Could this metal band, Desolate Void, shred so hard, that Dahlberg’s drumming superiority would be less than a distant memory in the minds of the audience?

Unfortunately, Peter and the Twins underestimated the raw power the Rock Gods had infused in this metal band; for they shred so hard that several audience members’ heads actually exploded, severely thinning out the crowd.

Shortly after, Peter and the Twins took the stage.  They smelt strongly of drink after having much time to take advantage of a myriad of free tap beers.

Legend has it that Peter and the Twins rocked harder than a fishing boat caught in a hurricane that night, though they themselves are not quite certain. 

However, it is widely believed that Andy was unable to match the drumming prowess of Dahlberg, for after the show Peter and the Twins pledged to teach their nemesis a lesson.

They arrived, unsuspected, at Fall For Glory’s after party, where the Twins unleashed the secret weapon—the box. To the untrained eye it would appear as a simple wooden box—rectangular and two feet tall, with a hole in one side. But the untrained eye knows not the powers the Rock Gods have infused in the box. As Peter and the Twins approached the deck where the party raged, Andy slapped the box with the cool of a young Ringo Star.  Dahlberg was dumbstruck by the power of the box. It sounded like a twelve-piece drum set and echoed through the streets like thunder in a canyon. After watching enviously for several minutes, Dahlberg tipped back his drink, determined to conquer the box and embarrass Andy once more, possibly defeating him once-and-for-all.

Andy confidently surrendered the godly instrument, and Dahlberg tried his hand. He slapped away but it was to no avail; he was no better than a drunken monkey haphazardly crashing cymbals together. Andy let out a belly laugh and boasted, “Hahaha! Dahlberg, you may be master of the drums, but you do not know how to slap-a-da-box!” 

Dahlberg looked over in defeat as he recklessly launched a tall boy into his gullet and begged like a beaten dog, “Let me come on tour with you…teach me the ways of the box!”

Peter and the Twins slept well.

In the morning, Rob led us to the pristine waters of the Eau Claire River. Dahlberg trailed along in shame, with the subservience of a Gollum-like creature. Rob led the way across the river to the white sand beaches beyond, where Peter and the Twins meditatively recharged their rock powers in the calm of the wild.

Dahlberg failed to forge the river; he lay prostrate on the beach, repeatedly vomiting in defeat and then covering it up with sand like an ashamed cat in a litter box.

We parted ways with our brothers in Fall For Glory, and headed further east with our rock powers fully charged.